Tuesday, April 26, 2011

keeping things to yourself was such and easy "game" to play........

Keeping Things To Yourself Was Such an Easy 'Game' To Play. Will You Still 'Win' If the Rules Change?
When I was younger , I used to keep things to myself. My feelings, my thoughts, my ideas. It was not because I don't share, but because I really don't have anyone to share with. Friends weren't many and family was in chaos. In the end, I had no choice but to hide away my fear, feelings, emotions deep within me.

It was easy, I got used to it and I started to distance myself away from
the rest of my initial friends as I thought that no one knows me better than myself.
Soon I went into a 'depression' state. Well , not like I know I was into one. School sucks. Friends were thought to be 'fake', couldn't be bothered about what is happening in the family and the one place I ever love being was the dark still atmosphere of my room.
Well, to cut things short and save everyone from having to go through my once 'lifeless' life, through age, I got over it. It was my mind that put me at such a depressing state and it was my mind itself that made me realize what consequences I would be laid upon if I continue living on life like this. It wasn't easy at first . Nothing was. However, with time and persistence, I was able to 'move out' and 'move on'.

I wouldn't say I have many friends at current but there are a few now I could turn to. No matter what happen, there will always be feelings and emotions. Instead of bottling up like I used to, I had found alternatives to bring it out.My experience thought me the importance of expressing myself and how necessary it was to share( by XYZ...)

( a ) On Why ! 

Why Do We Have Feelings and Emotions
Scientifically speaking, we feel and have what we call emotions are an emergent state from our biological brains and thus it does not exist physically or does it exist outside of our brain. Since birth, we weren't thought on how each feelings and emotions were like nor we were thought on what kind of feelings we should 'portray' based on situations. In the end, as a living thing, we were able to determine for ourselves and feel what it was like to feel. I could say to feel and have emotions are a must have factor to be considered a breathable living thing. To the extend of how we feel and emote are the essentials that sets us differently apart from others.

( b ) On What ! 

What Made Us Feel The Way We Felt About Certain Things?

During our life time, each of us experiences millions of emotional reactions either consciously or unconsciously. Simply put ,based on our years of experiencing , we have evolved our emotions and feelings as a way of helping us to rapidly reorganize and prepare ourself from any potential 'danger' or 'harm' the world might throw at us.Perception, thought , imagery, and memory, are important causes of emotions. Once emotions is activated, emotion and cognition influence each other. How people feel affects what they perceive, think, and do, and vice versa.

( c ) On How ! 

How Do We Tend to React Based On Our Feelings and Emotions?

It is based on feelings, how our emotion reacts from what we feel and the consciousness of our mind that determines how we react when situation arises. Take for example the feeling of fear. When you hear a certain strange noise in the night all alone, the feeling starts to kick in. Immediately you stayed alert of certain danger. Past emotional memories reminded you of how to deal with similar situation and your consciousness helps you to take appropriate and proper action.
. Learn to Express Yourself Effectively and Benefit From It 
Feelings are our emotions. There are 'sensations' that we feel deep down inside our heart as a result of what we experienced to how we think and how we respond. It is a medium to communicate with our inner self as well as a 'language' to others. Every one of us has our own trait to how we express our feelings. We often times find it easier to convey positive feelings than negative ones. However, as difficult as it gets, we can never cease to agree that so often when complicated feelings are expressed, the depth of our personality comes out and we tend to let go of the feelings much easier.
Communications and expressing is a way to a better self-improve and this simple secret is a successful ingredient to getting along with people you care and loved. The worst it gets is when one tends to think that bottling up your thoughts and feelings is always the best way to 'protect' ourselves from getting hurt more. Do you know then that blocking them off can actually really open the 'wound' up more as it has indirectly become a self prepared weapon that enables cruel feelings to linger in the heart? Silence can sometimes be golden but it can also be misinterpreted.

Why are feelings often so hard to express?

- Even before we could express, we tend to sometimes have a pre-conceive thought that we may end up hurting others by saying something that just didn't comes out the way it should

- Perhaps they are afraid that their feelings would jeopardize the relationship that they are sharing

- They may even be afraid of what others will think after that.

- Or possibly the mere thought of sharing their true emotions and having to open up is 'scary' enough to stop them from expressing it out

So how do you express your feelings?

Such fears to express can actually be conquered. Struggling is the first step to realizing the needs to change and to change is to improve. No one can judge better than ourselves to how we
personally feel therefore that is why sometimes, it makes it difficult to find the right word to describe what we actually feel.

1. Learn to speak your heart so it does not hurt those you care and loved

2. Be specific to what you have to say. Analyze and find the right word that says your feeling most. General term such as 'upset' or 'sad' may actually have the other party ending up confused or puzzled.

3. Start off by not declaring or blaming others of your feelings. Instead of pointing fingers, start expressing by turning it into a form of 'sharing'. Stop yourself from having to something like 'It is your entire fault' or 'I am angry because of you' as such statement would agitate them in return. Don't accuse as it would have the other party swing into a defensive mode.

4. Stay mature and respect the others person point of view. Sometimes, we may find the other party point of view unreasonable but whatever it could be, you don't have to oppose their opinion even it differs from your own. Act like a grownup and respect others viewpoints.

5. Don't fear other people's
judgment. If all you ever did was to think of others, you will never leave space to think for your own. Do not fear of what others have to think in the end as your imagination tends to create a far worse scenario than the actual state. To overcome your fear, try 'asking' or help instead of 'forcing' or 'demanding' them into helping you. Start of by making them feel as thou as their help is needed and this would invoke their desire to help. Sentence such as "I am having a tough time and I am wonder if you could help me" would provoke them into thinking that their presence is important.

6. When you are upset over something, write it down. Vent your feelings and what you have to say through writings. Sleep over it and by the time you know it, you'll find that viewpoints to the matter have changed.

In fact, putting down your thoughts and feelings down in writings would actually be more affective. In writings, you'll have whatever you want to say uninterrupted and your initial chain of thoughts will not be shifted. A well written message sometimes conveys more than having it put up verbally.

7. Speak it out. Don't ever deny your feelings be it good or bad. It is part of human experience to get a taste of every sensation in life. Share it with others. It won't make you any less of a human if you do. You may not know when someday, others may even open up to you too.
Danger Of Not Being Able to Express Yourself 
People will start avoiding you .This is really not how you want people to react to you but you see, life has always been a sort of a vicious 'chain-reaction'. If you do not express yourself due to the fact that you fear people, people in return will 'fear' you too. People will see through your aloofness and worst come to worst, conjure sorts of 'negative ideas' to why you are acting this way. Your 'in direct' wish would be 'granted' and in the end you will be force to wonder why that no one likes you.

You will have hard time getting along with people. People will feel as thou you are unapproachable. When you can't open to people, they won't feel comfortable 'opening' up to you either. This would shattered your current relationship as you bottled everything up inside.

It will be hard to seek help in times of needing one As the tension builds up, it will be hard for you to find help in times of trouble. There will come a time where you would need 'guidance' but there won't be much to seek thus you will respond to it by' hiding' more of your troubles. You will grow angry and resentful as you will feel isolated and distanced from the world.

Isolation As you build walls around your emotions and feelings, people will impulsively leave you alone. It may be what you want at first but time will prove to you that this is not the kind of life you would want to spend as long as you live. Life will be empty and meaningless. Life is all about relationship and it is all about having that someone to care for you and you caring them back. So no matter to whom you would want to express to, it could be your family members, friends, God, co-workers, pets, or even yourself, you will be sure that expressing yourself would bring to you a greater benefit

Friday, April 22, 2011


We could learn a lot from crayons...Some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, and some have weird names, but they all have to live in the same box."
Crayon Wisdom: #1 
Although we may fear the responsibility of taking responsibility, one fact remains. Other crayons can't be responsible for your color.

    Some colors clash, but they can still be in the same box, and be a part of the same picture.
    You may wish you were magenta or pastel blue. You may even try to make yourself one of those colors. The reality is, if you're orange, you're orange. You can only color orange.
    As much as we may dislike, or fear it, all crayons leave their color behind only when outside the safety of the box.
    If you hold depressing thoughts or beliefs, you will color the world gray. If you believe you must fight for everything, you may color everyone else red. But, every crayon wants to be seen as their own color.
Crayon Wisdom: #2 
    If you always want the crayons in the box to be in a different order, you can stir the box. However, that's not what crayons are for.
    Perhaps the biggest challenge in life is to be what you are. Mixing it up with the other crayons is not about being the central crayon. Its about expressing your color among all the others.
    If your crayon wrapper says yellow, and you're trying to be green, you will not be comfortable in your own wrapper.
    The picture needs your color. In fact, it needs your specific shade of that color. No other crayon can color for you.
    You may feel a different color than you are. A brown crayon may feel blue (sad). A blue crayon may feel red (passionate). This feeling information is a universal crayon language. All crayons can feel the other colors in the same way
    You have the wisdom of red because you are red, or the wisdom of black because you are black. No one else can teach you to be your shade of red or black, or whatever color you are.
    You can't expect to be mentally and emotionally strong without taking care of the basics. Eat some green, stop watching those color-ful cartoons in bed, push yourself out of the box to get to work.
    All crayons can imagine and focus on other colors, and on spaces they'd like to fill in. Focus on what's important to crayons, and to your color, to "do" the
    picture of health.
    If you think another crayon has insulted or ignored you, check it out! Ask them. This will eliminate a whole day of mental stewing. But remember, though all crayons know the language of feelings, not all speak it well. If you check something out, there's no guarantee the other crayon will know how to respond.
    The color of feelings can communicate what logic can't. To share feelings effectively, don't scribble all over someone else's color, or blanch instead of letting your color-feeling out.

Saturday, April 16, 2011


'Emotional Intelligence' is a neat metaphor that borrows from the notion of IQ. It implies that some people are better at handling emotions than others. It also hints that you might be able to increase your EQ. Practically, it offers a useful set of guidelines for doing just this.

Being emotionally self-aware means knowing how you feel in "real time." Self-knowledge is the first step in being able to handle emotions. If you can see them and name them, then you at least then have a chance to do something about them.
EMOTIONAL LITERACYEmotional literacy means being able to label emotions precisely. This includes the emotions of others and especially yourself. It also means being able to talk about emotions without getting overly emotional or (as happens with many people) denying them.
Emotional literacy is not using 'I feel...' statements to offer opinions, ideas, etc. Thus 'I feel that is a good idea' is not emotional literacy, whist 'I feel angry' is.

Empathy is the ability to feel and understand the emotions of others. If you can empathize, you can engender trust, as people desperately want to be understood at the emotional level. All great carers and nurturers major in empathy and compassionIt also means appreciating and accepting differences between people, accepting that we have different priorities and capabilities around emotion.

The ability to balance emotion and reason in making decisions leads to good decisions. Emotion should not be abandoned, lest cold and callous decisions are made. Nor should logic be abandoned unless you want a wishy-washy outcome.

Emotional Intelligence means taking primary responsibility for your own emotions and happiness. You cannot say that others "made" you feel the way you feel. Although they may be instrumental, the responsibility is yours, just as if you kill someone, there is no argument that says that someone else made you do it.

Monday, April 4, 2011


Feeling down from time to time is a normal part of life. But when emptiness and despair take hold and won't go away, it may be depression. More than just the temporary "blues," the lows of depression make it tough to function and enjoy life like you once did. Hobbies and friends don’t interest you like they used to; you’re exhausted all the time; and just getting through the day can be overwhelming. When you’re depressed, things may feel hopeless, but with help and support you can get better. But first, you need to understand depression. Learning about depression—including its signs, symptoms, causes, and treatment—is the first step to overcoming the problem.

What is depression?

We all go through ups and downs in our mood. Sadness is a normal reaction to life’s struggles, setbacks, and disappointments. Many people use the word “depression” to explain these kinds of feelings, but depression is much more than just sadness.
Some people describe depression as “living in a black hole” or having a feeling of impending doom. However, some depressed people don't feel sad at all—instead, they feel lifeless, empty, and apathetic.
Whatever the symptoms, depression is different from normal sadness in that it engulfs your day-to-day life, interfering with your ability to work, study, eat, sleep, and have fun. The feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness are intense and unrelenting, with little, if any, relief.

Are you depressed?

If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from clinical depression.
  • you can’t sleep or you sleep too much
  • you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
  • you feel hopeless and helpless
  • you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
  • you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
  • you are much more irritable and short-tempered than usual
  • you have thoughts that life is not worth living (Seek help immediately if this is the case)

    Signs and symptoms of depression

    Depression varies from person to person, but there are some common signs and symptoms. It’s important to remember that these symptoms can be part of life’s normal lows. But the more symptoms you have, the stronger they are, and the longer they’ve lasted—the more likely it is that you’re dealing with depression. When these symptoms are overwhelming and disabling, that's when it's time to seek help.

    Common signs and symptoms of depression

    • Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
    • Loss of interest in daily activities.  No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
    • Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
    • Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).
    • Irritability or restlessness. Feeling agitated, restless, or on edge. Your tolerance level is low; everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
    • Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
    • Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
    • Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
    • Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.

      Depression and suicide

      Depression is a major risk factor for suicide. The deep despair and hopelessness that goes along with depression can make suicide feel like the only way to escape the pain. Thoughts of death or suicide are a serious symptom of depression, so take any suicidal talk or behavior seriously. It's not just a warning sign that the person is thinking about suicide: it's a cry for help.

      Warning signs of suicide include:

      • Talking about killing or harming one’s self
      • Expressing strong feelings of hopelessness or being trapped
      • An unusual preoccupation with death or dying
      • Acting recklessly, as if they have a death wish (e.g. speeding through red lights)
      • Calling or visiting people to say goodbye
      • Getting affairs in order (giving away prized possessions, tying up loose ends)
      • Saying things like “Everyone would be better off without me” or “I want out.”
      • A sudden switch from being extremely depressed to acting calm and happy. If you think a friend or family member is considering suicide, express your concern and seek professional help immediately. Talking openly about suicidal thoughts and feelings can save a life.

        If You Are Feeling Suicidal...

        When you’re feeling extremely depressed or suicidal, problems don’t seem temporary—they seem overwhelming and permanent. But with time, you will feel better, especially if you reach out for help. If you are feeling suicidal, know that there are many people who want to support you during this difficult time, so please reach out for help!

      Depression causes and risk factors

      Some illnesses have a specific medical cause, making treatment straightforward. If you have diabetes, you take insulin. If you have appendicitis, you have surgery. But depression is more complicated. Depression is not just the result of a chemical imbalance in the brain, and is not simply cured with medication. Experts believe that depression is caused by a combination of biological, psychological, and social factors. In other words, your lifestyle choices, relationships, and coping skills matter just as much—if not more so—than genetics. However, certain risk factors make you more vulnerable to depression.

      Causes and risk factors for depression

      • Loneliness
      • Lack of social support
      • Recent stressful life experiences
      • Family history of depression
      • Marital or relationship problems
      • Financial strain
      • Early childhood trauma or abuse
      • Alcohol or drug abuse
      • Unemployment or underemployment
      • Health problems or chronic pain

      The cause of your depression helps determine the treatment

      Understanding the underlying cause of your depression may help you overcome the problem. For example, if you are depressed because of a dead end job, the best treatment might be finding a more satisfying career, not taking an antidepressant. If you are new to an area and feeling lonely and sad, finding new friends at work or through a hobby will probably give you more of a mood boost than going to therapy. In such cases, the depression is remedied by changing the situation.

      The road to depression recovery

      Just as the symptoms and causes of depression are different in different people, so are the ways to feel better. What works for one person might not work for another, and no one treatment is appropriate in all cases. If you recognize the signs of depression in yourself or a loved one, take some time to explore the many treatment options. In most cases, the best approach involves a combination of social support, lifestyle changes, emotional skills building, and professional help.

      Ask for help and support

      Ask for help and supportIf even the thought of tackling your depression seems overwhelming, don’t panic. Feeling helpless and hopeless is a symptom of depression—not the reality of your situation. It does not mean that you’re weak or you can’t change! The key to depression recovery is to start small and ask for help. Having a strong support system in place will speed your recovery. Isolation fuels depression, so reach out to others, even when you feel like being alone. Let your family and friends know what you’re going through and how they can support you.

      Make healthy lifestyle changes

      Lifestyle changes are not always easy to make, but they can have a big impact on depression. Lifestyle changes that can be very effective include:
      • Cultivating supportive relationships
      • Getting regular exercise and sleep
      • Eating healthfully to naturally boost mood
      • Managing stress
      • Practicing relaxation techniques
      • Challenging negative thought patterns

        Build emotional skills

        Many people lack the skills needed to manage stress and balance emotions. Building emotional skills can give you the ability to cope and bounce back from adversity, trauma, and loss. In other words, learning how to recognize and express your emotions can make you more resilient.

        Seek professional help

        If support from family and friends, positive lifestyle changes, and emotional skills building aren’t enough, seek help from a mental health professional. There are many effective treatments for depression, including therapy, medication, and alternative treatments. Learning about your options will help you decide what measures are most likely to work best for your particular situation and needs.
        Effective treatment for depression often includes some form of therapy. Therapy gives you tools to treat depression from a variety of angles. Also, what you learn in therapy gives you skills and insight to prevent depression from coming back.
        Some types of therapy teach you practical techniques on how to reframe negative thinking and employ behavioral skills in combating depression. Therapy can also help you work through the root of your depression, helping you understand why you feel a certain way, what your triggers are for depression, and what you can do to stay healthy.