Tuesday, April 26, 2011

keeping things to yourself was such and easy "game" to play........

Keeping Things To Yourself Was Such an Easy 'Game' To Play. Will You Still 'Win' If the Rules Change?
When I was younger , I used to keep things to myself. My feelings, my thoughts, my ideas. It was not because I don't share, but because I really don't have anyone to share with. Friends weren't many and family was in chaos. In the end, I had no choice but to hide away my fear, feelings, emotions deep within me.

It was easy, I got used to it and I started to distance myself away from
the rest of my initial friends as I thought that no one knows me better than myself.
Soon I went into a 'depression' state. Well , not like I know I was into one. School sucks. Friends were thought to be 'fake', couldn't be bothered about what is happening in the family and the one place I ever love being was the dark still atmosphere of my room.
Well, to cut things short and save everyone from having to go through my once 'lifeless' life, through age, I got over it. It was my mind that put me at such a depressing state and it was my mind itself that made me realize what consequences I would be laid upon if I continue living on life like this. It wasn't easy at first . Nothing was. However, with time and persistence, I was able to 'move out' and 'move on'.

I wouldn't say I have many friends at current but there are a few now I could turn to. No matter what happen, there will always be feelings and emotions. Instead of bottling up like I used to, I had found alternatives to bring it out.My experience thought me the importance of expressing myself and how necessary it was to share( by XYZ...)

( a ) On Why ! 

Why Do We Have Feelings and Emotions
Scientifically speaking, we feel and have what we call emotions are an emergent state from our biological brains and thus it does not exist physically or does it exist outside of our brain. Since birth, we weren't thought on how each feelings and emotions were like nor we were thought on what kind of feelings we should 'portray' based on situations. In the end, as a living thing, we were able to determine for ourselves and feel what it was like to feel. I could say to feel and have emotions are a must have factor to be considered a breathable living thing. To the extend of how we feel and emote are the essentials that sets us differently apart from others.

( b ) On What ! 

What Made Us Feel The Way We Felt About Certain Things?

During our life time, each of us experiences millions of emotional reactions either consciously or unconsciously. Simply put ,based on our years of experiencing , we have evolved our emotions and feelings as a way of helping us to rapidly reorganize and prepare ourself from any potential 'danger' or 'harm' the world might throw at us.Perception, thought , imagery, and memory, are important causes of emotions. Once emotions is activated, emotion and cognition influence each other. How people feel affects what they perceive, think, and do, and vice versa.

( c ) On How ! 

How Do We Tend to React Based On Our Feelings and Emotions?

It is based on feelings, how our emotion reacts from what we feel and the consciousness of our mind that determines how we react when situation arises. Take for example the feeling of fear. When you hear a certain strange noise in the night all alone, the feeling starts to kick in. Immediately you stayed alert of certain danger. Past emotional memories reminded you of how to deal with similar situation and your consciousness helps you to take appropriate and proper action.
. Learn to Express Yourself Effectively and Benefit From It 
Feelings are our emotions. There are 'sensations' that we feel deep down inside our heart as a result of what we experienced to how we think and how we respond. It is a medium to communicate with our inner self as well as a 'language' to others. Every one of us has our own trait to how we express our feelings. We often times find it easier to convey positive feelings than negative ones. However, as difficult as it gets, we can never cease to agree that so often when complicated feelings are expressed, the depth of our personality comes out and we tend to let go of the feelings much easier.
Communications and expressing is a way to a better self-improve and this simple secret is a successful ingredient to getting along with people you care and loved. The worst it gets is when one tends to think that bottling up your thoughts and feelings is always the best way to 'protect' ourselves from getting hurt more. Do you know then that blocking them off can actually really open the 'wound' up more as it has indirectly become a self prepared weapon that enables cruel feelings to linger in the heart? Silence can sometimes be golden but it can also be misinterpreted.

Why are feelings often so hard to express?

- Even before we could express, we tend to sometimes have a pre-conceive thought that we may end up hurting others by saying something that just didn't comes out the way it should

- Perhaps they are afraid that their feelings would jeopardize the relationship that they are sharing

- They may even be afraid of what others will think after that.

- Or possibly the mere thought of sharing their true emotions and having to open up is 'scary' enough to stop them from expressing it out

So how do you express your feelings?

Such fears to express can actually be conquered. Struggling is the first step to realizing the needs to change and to change is to improve. No one can judge better than ourselves to how we
personally feel therefore that is why sometimes, it makes it difficult to find the right word to describe what we actually feel.

1. Learn to speak your heart so it does not hurt those you care and loved

2. Be specific to what you have to say. Analyze and find the right word that says your feeling most. General term such as 'upset' or 'sad' may actually have the other party ending up confused or puzzled.

3. Start off by not declaring or blaming others of your feelings. Instead of pointing fingers, start expressing by turning it into a form of 'sharing'. Stop yourself from having to something like 'It is your entire fault' or 'I am angry because of you' as such statement would agitate them in return. Don't accuse as it would have the other party swing into a defensive mode.

4. Stay mature and respect the others person point of view. Sometimes, we may find the other party point of view unreasonable but whatever it could be, you don't have to oppose their opinion even it differs from your own. Act like a grownup and respect others viewpoints.

5. Don't fear other people's
judgment. If all you ever did was to think of others, you will never leave space to think for your own. Do not fear of what others have to think in the end as your imagination tends to create a far worse scenario than the actual state. To overcome your fear, try 'asking' or help instead of 'forcing' or 'demanding' them into helping you. Start of by making them feel as thou as their help is needed and this would invoke their desire to help. Sentence such as "I am having a tough time and I am wonder if you could help me" would provoke them into thinking that their presence is important.

6. When you are upset over something, write it down. Vent your feelings and what you have to say through writings. Sleep over it and by the time you know it, you'll find that viewpoints to the matter have changed.

In fact, putting down your thoughts and feelings down in writings would actually be more affective. In writings, you'll have whatever you want to say uninterrupted and your initial chain of thoughts will not be shifted. A well written message sometimes conveys more than having it put up verbally.

7. Speak it out. Don't ever deny your feelings be it good or bad. It is part of human experience to get a taste of every sensation in life. Share it with others. It won't make you any less of a human if you do. You may not know when someday, others may even open up to you too.
Danger Of Not Being Able to Express Yourself 
People will start avoiding you .This is really not how you want people to react to you but you see, life has always been a sort of a vicious 'chain-reaction'. If you do not express yourself due to the fact that you fear people, people in return will 'fear' you too. People will see through your aloofness and worst come to worst, conjure sorts of 'negative ideas' to why you are acting this way. Your 'in direct' wish would be 'granted' and in the end you will be force to wonder why that no one likes you.

You will have hard time getting along with people. People will feel as thou you are unapproachable. When you can't open to people, they won't feel comfortable 'opening' up to you either. This would shattered your current relationship as you bottled everything up inside.

It will be hard to seek help in times of needing one As the tension builds up, it will be hard for you to find help in times of trouble. There will come a time where you would need 'guidance' but there won't be much to seek thus you will respond to it by' hiding' more of your troubles. You will grow angry and resentful as you will feel isolated and distanced from the world.

Isolation As you build walls around your emotions and feelings, people will impulsively leave you alone. It may be what you want at first but time will prove to you that this is not the kind of life you would want to spend as long as you live. Life will be empty and meaningless. Life is all about relationship and it is all about having that someone to care for you and you caring them back. So no matter to whom you would want to express to, it could be your family members, friends, God, co-workers, pets, or even yourself, you will be sure that expressing yourself would bring to you a greater benefit


  1. There is solution for every feelings.
    In sha Allah.

  2. there is no might nor power except allah.he is most merciful and most gracious....there is none other than him to help us in times of needs.the best way to keep ourselves calm and help us is when we have a direct conversation with allah.that is supplication, prayer/salah..and ask him to guide us...may allah guide everyone..